Choosing
by gardeniia
Summary: Lenalee can't choose between the men in her life. Lenalee x Allen/Lavi/Kanda


**A/N**: My first fanfic on . Hope you enjoy. Actually, I'm a huge fan of KandaxLenalee and LavixLenalee, and DGM happens to be my current obesssion, so expect some more fanfics about those pairings from me.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own it, never will.

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**Choosing  
by Rose of Wind**

--

For a long time, Lenalee wondered what her first kiss would be like. She imagined bright spring mornings or lazy summer days, where her yet-unknown Prince Charming would lean in and softly brush his lips against hers, or he would sweep her off her feet and plant a kiss that would make her see stars.

She knew, in the midst of such a terrible war, that the chances of her daydreams becoming reality were next to impossible, but that didn't stop her dreaming.

One thing missing from her dreams was the identity of her Prince Charming. At the age of eight or nine, she would occasionally imagine Kanda as her 'prince', but that never felt right. For one, he really only communicated with other people when it was necessary, or when he was ticked off, so she couldn't imagine him doing anything as social as kissing someone else.

And as she grew older, she dreamed less and less, and fought more and more. The war was the first thing on her mind, now. But every now and then, she would shoot a quick glance in Kanda's direction, and remember the silly daydreams she used to have about him.

_-- Only silly dreams, of course --_

--

Then, around the age of 14, she remembered meeting Lavi, who was cheeky and playful and flirted; the exact opposite of Kanda. Though some of his…'comments' made her blush, he never failed to make her laugh, and she grew to like him.

So for some time, she imagined Lavi being the one who would kiss her for the first time, and she wasn't so opposed to the idea. But as she began to get acquainted with him, she, being someone who was so sensitive to the emotions of others, noticed that there was something in his smile that was fake; the underlying taste of someone bitter and distant. And she found she wanted to get rid of that darkness in him, make it so that his smile was always genuine and true.

Age 16, she met Allen Walker. He wasn't like the two other males in her life either, but naive and good-natured; a definite gentleman. His goodness and his naïveté made her smile, and it comforted her to know there were still people like that in the world.

And then there were three men, and stillno kiss.

_-- When will it come? --_

--

Did any of them harbor feelings for her? And would they act on them? Those kinds of dangerous thoughts would drift into her head, and she never liked to dwell on them. And though she knew it was wrong, Lenalee hoped that one of them would be the ones to act, so she wouldn't have the burden of choosing.

When her heart warmed because of some unintentional compliment Allen let slip, when her cheeks flushed because of Lavi's flirting, when her stomach fluttered from Kanda's intense gaze, she would remind herself that it wasn't the right time, that they were still in the middle of a war.

There would be plenty of time later, right?

_-- Always in denial --_

Then she was reminded of how fragile humans were, how easily they could die, and she wanted that kiss more badly than ever, the fact that she could die at any time hovering over her head.

When the 'Destroyer of Time' finally destroyed time, though there was no definitive victory yet, Lenalee wondered if the aftermath could be called 'the right time'. There was still Innocence to recover and Akuma to deal with, but the chilling fear hovering over the exorcists' heads was banished.

Everyone was, more or less, at peace.

She wasn't.

--

"Come on, Lenalee! Hurry up! We'll miss the train!"

The Chinese Exorcist let out a cheerful, 'Coming!' and her mouth stretched into a reassuring smile, but she didn't run to catch up to the three simply because she couldn't tear her gaze away from the sight of them walking farther and farther away. Three of the most important men in her life, each holding a piece of her heart, each a giant part of her 'world'.

She still didn't know if _now_, the calm aftermath of the warwas 'the right time', or if there was ever going to be one.

_-- Allen's warm smile -- _

_-- Lavi's comforting hand --_

_-- Kanda's gruff gratitude --_

She couldn't bring herself to choose.

--

**End**

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**A/N**: Urgh, that was terrible.

Still, you'd make my day if you reviewed. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but bashing/flaming will not be tolerated.


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